You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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