i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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