I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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