There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize