alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
