i wish there were pregnant emoticons
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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