So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize