if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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