her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
