I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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