I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
is it fun? or sober?
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