I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
