I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
