well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
