You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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