Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
