Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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