I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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