I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
