its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
