She said her name was "party"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
