i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sober January is a disaster.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
