when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
