he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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