I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
