...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
