So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
