My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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