Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
