Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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