On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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