He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
