I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
