She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
