bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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