If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
