so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
