I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
