the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
