worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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