every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
