i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
