WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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