If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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