I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
