i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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