This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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