I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
