where am i from again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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