im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
