I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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