DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are the jesus of drinking
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
