I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
