you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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