She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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