It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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