This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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