apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
