I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
