Umm I'm too high to move.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
