My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
