I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
