Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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