Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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