that's an acceptable place to lick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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