If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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