I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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