It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
