Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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