If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
