please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
