you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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