she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
