nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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