My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
