Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
