I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
