Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
