the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Four minutes until I can fart!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
