Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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