my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
