His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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