Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
