these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize