guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how drunk are you?
Several
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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