Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
