she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't deserve a penis
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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