btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
