woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's rum buckets o'clock
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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