i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
