i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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