i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
