i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
