Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think your dad took our porno
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
