I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
