Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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