Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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