Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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