I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We need a shit load of segways right now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
