eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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