we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A bitchslap is in order.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
