I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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