I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize