I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
