I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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