Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
