omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
