she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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