I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
