OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
