My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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