....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
3 2 1 whiskey
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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