haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize