I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
