so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
