put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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