you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
