Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
